Did you know that abusive relationships don’t have to involve being battered, insulted or even called worthless? A complete lack of empathy from your partner and manipulation can easily turn into a cycle that eventually become emotionally abusive. At times, it may be maliciously intentional but the absolute disregard for your wellbeing is a red flag already.
Below are all the red flags that you might not even notice until it’s too late. Disclaimer here is that some of these might not be red flags in isolation but your relationship might be unhealthy as result of these in combination with each other.
1. He or She Shifts Blame back to you
Does your partner seem to blame you for almost everything, even when he or she is the one on the wrong? He makes a mistake but wants you to apologize for it. For instance, when you break up with her, she starts calling you vindictive. That’s a red flag especially when your partner does not want to own up to their mistake but instead wants to shift the blame back to you.
2. He or She avoids confrontation about their hurtful behavior
Does your partner tell you to refrain from bringing up their past wrongdoings? Does their excuse sound like “those things were in the past and not worth discussing”? Wake up my friend,he or she is abusing you emotionally. When your partner starts avoiding to confront their hurtful behavior, it shows that they are not ready to change. What they really mean is that they do not want to be held accountable for their callous, misguided or impulsive actions. They want you to remain silent about them. He is slowly but surely taking away your right to be angry, please don’t let him/her.
3. He or She Perceives Empathy as a Weakness
This is a huge red flag, and often a symptom of narcissism. If your partner is incredibly charming, kind to you only when it suits them, cannot connect with you emotionally and lacks empathy, then I would reconsider whether you can ever truly be happy with that person. These are characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists may be able to have healthy relationships if they are aware of their narcissism and are receiving outside help, but it is hard for a narcissist to admit they need help or to even want to change their ways. They will just perpetuate emotionally abusive relationships.
4. He or She Claims to have a multitude of crazy ex-partners
There is no way that one person just happens to date people that turn out to be “crazy.” This means this person is either repeatedly seeking out toxic people, they have driven their partners to the point of insanity by being a total douchebag or they are trying to misrepresent what happened in the relationship in order to avoid being held accountable.
5. He or She is unwilling to define the relationship (when you want to)
Does your partner tells you just how much they love you and want the two of you to be together but remains shifty about defining the relationship? Well, he or she is emotionally abusing you. They probably just don’t want to call you their fling. You probably notice that he calls you his girlfriend when it suits him. For instance, when you are out with his friends and he wants to make an impression is when he calls you his girlfriend. You gotta make a choice.
6. Constantly Using Excuses to dismiss their behavior
This is particularly common among men when they are caught out in their hurtful behavior. They often go off on a tangent lamenting about their upbringing, how stressful their day has been or how hurt they were while kids. If your partner does this so often, he or she is manipulating you into sympathizing with them and forgetting about their behavior. It is either you call them out or you call it quits and save yourself from that emotionally abusive relationship.