Female virginity has for a long time been incorrectly linked to breaking the hymen. To many, bleeding after sexual intercourse has been a sign of an unbroken hymen and therefore proof that a woman had not had sex before. However, the state of a lady’s hymen has nothing to do with sexual activity. In fact, one may not be in a possible to personally tell if their hymen is broken or not. Here are some facts about the hymen and sexual activity.
You might not be able to see your hymen even if it was intact
If you try to look for yours, it may be difficult to pinpoint. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’d have a really hard time telling the difference. This is because it will be a fleshy colored membrane in a place where you have flaps and folds and hair. If you do want to go exploring, though, it’s located about about 1-2 centimeters inside your vaginal opening.
Even Intact Hymens may still have openings in them
It’s easy to imagine the hymen as a wall or a structure waiting to be broken, sort of like being the first one to cross the finish-line tape in a race. But — get ready for it — the hymen also has an opening in it, so that menstrual blood and other secretions can get out. Generally, that opening is crescent shaped, but it varies from woman to woman. Some have very small openings, and some even have multiple openings in the hymen.
Two percent of all woman are born with a closed hymen, which is called “imperforate.,” And if you have an imperforate hymen, you may require surgery to open up the hymen so period blood can flow through.
There’s absolutely no way to prove virginity
Sorry to burst your bubble girlfriend, but this is the truth of the matter. Virginity is a social construct, not a medical condition. There is no medical definition for virginity even though it remains an important concept to many people, you and I included. It’s built by social norms and beliefs, even if it doesn’t have a scientific basis.
So you likely have a definition about what virginity entails based on your friends, what your parents have taught you, and whether or not you have specific religious beliefs. To many, virginity means you haven’t yet had sex, though what is considered sex can vary from person to person. It should also be said that having sex doesn’t change anything about you; it doesn’t add or take away value, just as not having sex doesn’t.
“Losing your virginity” does not always mean penis meeting vagina
The concept of virginity has long been tied up with the insertion of the penis into the vagina. There are some obvious problems with this definition. It gets ridiculous when you think, okay, if someone is a lesbian, knows they’re a lesbian from day one, and has never had sex with a [person with a penis], are they going to be a virgin until the day they die? If someone only has anal sex but not vaginal sex, are they still a virgin? When we say sex, we mean oral, anal, or vaginal sex.
You are under no obligation to prove your sexual history
You should never feel you have to prove your status, and furthermore, it’s not even possible to do so. We would argue that the best way to find out if someone has not yet had sex (if they really care to know) is simply to ask — and it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to discuss it at all!
You are in control of your sexual activity
There are some major problems with the concept of “losing your virginity.” The term implies that it isn’t in your control. If you lose your phone, is that a conscious decision? No! We need to change how we talk about the first time a person has sex. It shouldn’t be something that someone takes from you.
In too much of the world, women are still controlled in this way. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe, and do something you feel good about. Take it slow and really know what’s comfortable for you and your body, what’s going on down there and relax about a lot of it. And for sure, don’t worry about your hymen. Or lack thereof.