You met online. You’re both single, you like him, he likes you too. You are texting each other all day and night. He follows all your social media handles, likes all your photos and leaves cute messages and emojis. He has made it to being your love interest.
He’s getting flirty one minute then telling you about his future plans the next. You know his strengths, his weaknesses and get dressed up whenever you’re about to see him. You’ve had lunch together and once in a while he’s invited you to join him outdoors for fun with his friends.
Everything is perfect. But wait, if you have such chemistry why are you not exclusive yet?
It’s almost like you’re dating but not officially. What’s up with that? I’ll tell you what, you’ve been so hooked on this guy that you never realized it’s been weeks or even months and yet he hasn’t made “the move.”
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but along the way, he may have done one or two of these things but you were blinded by his charm and good looks.
You’re not alone, we’ve all been there. Granted, you see a future with this guy, sadly the feeling is not mutual. So if he’s done any of these, pack up and run!
The String me Along Guy
This type of guy puts you on the friend zone but acts like the boyfriend when you’re alone. He already knows you like him and would like to take this further but he claims he’s not looking for a relationship.
So why is he even there with you in the first place? Wanting his cake and eating it too. He wants a girlfriend minus the emotional attachment that comes with it. The guy wants you around him until he finds someone new. ‘These string me along’ guys are only keeping you around to make them feel good about themselves.
He’s using you emotionally and deep down you know it because while you’re busy fixated on him, he’s free to be with someone else. A love interest told you he’s not ready for commitment but he’s still around, acting like the man you’ve always wanted, run!
We live busy lives, if it’s not work, its either class or family etc. We’re busy people these days but no matter how busy, we’re constantly checking our phones. Our lives revolve around our phones.
It’s therefore quite unusual for someone to miss your text or call. So this guy you have your eye on, texts you for three days straight then disappears for weeks. You’ve seen him online yet hasn’t replied to your texts and just when you’re about to move on, he texts back like nothing happened.
Chances are he’ll continue with the conversation from where he left of. He won’t explain himself and you’re most likely going to turn a blind eye to his ghosting, make an excuse for him. He’s got you hooked, wasting your time. Run!
Silent Treatment Guy
This is similar to ghosting but the worst kind. You might have said or done something your love interest found offensive and what did he do? He gave you the silent treatment, the oldest trick in the book.
What majority of people don’t know is the silent treatment is a power move. It’s used by parents who are unhappy with a child’s behavior. The silent treatment is used to let a child know they did wrong and are being punished. This is then followed up by a discussion, a child accepts his/her mistake and the parent wins.
You’re a grown woman and shouldn’t be treated like a child. If he lets you know you did wrong, you whole heatedly apologized but he went ahead and gave you the silent treatment, run! This man is already telling you he’s controlling, this is not the kind of relationship you want to get into!
Psychology today defines gas lighting as a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes one to doubt him/herself and ultimately lose his/her sense of perception, identity and self-worth.
For example, have you ever found yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do? Think about it for a minute. If you have, then a love interest has been slowly manipulating you for so long that you’re now apologizing for things and you’re not even aware of.
When he twists a story and ends up blaming you for it, its gas lighting. It could be anything that happened, from a simple promise to meeting up on the weekend and not showing up. When you ask him about it, he acts like he never promised anything and that he told he was busy on that weekend. He makes it look like you’re the one making things up. You go back and forth and before you know it, you’re the one apologizing for ‘the mix up.’
This may not be seen as a big deal at first, but the more you get gas lighted the more you lose yourself. If he’s lying so effortlessly then it means he’s been doing it for a long time. Run!
Dating can be hard sometimes but that’s no reason to settle for a man who doesn’t value you or your time. They say there’s plenty of fish in the sea and that’s true. You just need to cast your net elsewhere.