There is no happy ending. No fairy tale. Nothing like a ‘first love will wake you up’ kiss. All that is just bullshit when it comes to love.
That is the story of Quinter* and Rodgers* and their relationship of 4 years. Quinter always told me that her relationship was smooth; happy without any fights. And when there was a fight, which was always rare, she told me that it was the guy who was always messing up…or probably making the terms of the relationship. And she was happy to submit.
This wasn’t a fairy tale at all and I know what you’re thinking; maybe feeling like cursing her, but before you do that lets take a deeper dig into the relationship.
“I always had to apologize for mistakes I didn’t do, and he always turns it on me” she would say.
“I’d be the one who would apologize for some of his mistakes because he somehow turns it against me. I would just politely let it go, cos there was nothing I could do” she would continue.
My mind would wonder why she would let such happen to her when she had the power to change and take charge of her life! But before my mouth could ask, she would proceed: ” I’ve had a pretty much tough background. Always getting bullied in school and at home.
“So?” I would ask in my mind because I was still in shock from what she was telling me. “So, when I found someone who gave me all that attention and love, I just couldn’t bare loosing that person” she finished.
Tough, isn’t it?
Now by the time she came to speak out about it, it was already 4 years in, she was even more damaged, and with a cheating boyfriend. Because he always tested what she could take, and used it to ruin her even more.
This happens on both sides, at times it can also happen to the guys too.
The minute someone else starts dictating what you think of yourself, you are at their mercy. That is very dangerous, because that is why most people commit suicide. Being unable to come out of that hole that you dug yourself can be pretty scary and devastating.
So what am I saying?
Kindness is never supposed to be taken for weakness. As far as I am concerned, kindness is just in-built, like dignity and being an independent thinker.
Love is not always going to be a smooth sail to paradise. If you are humble and strong enough to see the end of the bumpy forest-y road full of animals and dark corners it will be worth it. But I must add that the effort should apply on both sides if you want to experience fairy tale moments.
Take it easy on your partners.
People don’t come to your life as a full package. You have to make room for mistakes here and there and be ready to help each other to grow. I am not saying to let your partner step on you whenever they feel like. Know and understand your partner’s background, their previous love life, their likes and dislikes and then come to a mutual understanding. This will help you avoid disrespect and also help you define yourself as a couple.
To the men:
Women aren’t born perfect and there is nothing like a full package. There is always something that you’ll not like. It is said that “you have to tame a lady to be what you’d want your future wife to be.” However, that doesn’t give you a license to beat her up or subject her to any form of abuse.
Generally, for you to last with someone your gut tells you that they have finally arrived, your soulmate, your better half, (you’ll always feel it in the bones when you meet your significant other), you will require a strong will and faith. You will need a lot of independent thinking so that positive things come to both of your ways.
Always remember that love is a beautiful thing…but never a fairy tale. When you love someone don’t be afraid to show it. If you do, else someone else will take what is yours, nurture it, and you’ll be scarred forever in regrets of why you didn’t do it.
Most of all, remember dignity is the most attractive quality of all.
*Not their real names